An Important Media Advisory

This important media advisory should be read to the voice of Hunter S. Thompson in your head:
 
Mainstream American journalism has been diseased with a sociopathic anti-intellectualism for far, far too long. Historically and up until recently, the Powerstablishmentary Complex, with its inherent slutty whorishness, has been far too successful in infecting the minds and hearts of establishmentary media swine in much the same way that many a prostitute are often far too successful at spreading venereal diseases amongst the masses - a tale quite possibly as old as humanity itself. It's time we start cutting away at this soulless, diseased sickness on our society - or at least force our "good-ol'boy corporafascist plantation-owning masters" to start "wearing rubbers" or something, so to speak. If our all-powerful captors are going to keep fucking us hard in the ass over and over again against our will, then they could at least exercise some level of respect or decency, right? At least for the sake of our children!