"The Internship"

"Listen kid, we know that you're the best candidate for this position. There's no question about it. It's just that, well, I'm gonna be completely honest with you kid - you deserve at least that much..

It's just that we're total whores for money, all the managers here. Every single one of us would suck a dick hard for a million bucks you see, but within reason of course. Know what I mean?

The truth is that every single one of us managers here, we've all got these rich friends of ours who have these spoiled kids that are essentially unemployable. Most of them are actually total dumbshits, but their parents are willing to pay us thousands upon thousands of their hardly earned trust-fund dollars to make it look as though their kids have real work experience on paper, for simply making our coffees and stroking our massively undeserved egos for a couple of months at a time.

As I'm sure you already know, our company is more than likely collapsing, and we really have no choice but to stoop to any low humanly possible to protect our seven-figure salaries by slashing costs, even if that means charging our interns to work for us.

We know that you're the best candidate, but to be honest, you'll never have any chance in this market because you're poor, and quite frankly, that's the way we think it should be in this world run by whores. You know, real whores for money and power - pigs, swine like us - the plutocracy.

Now if you had a nice pair of tits and low enough self-esteem to suck my dick every morning for nothing in return, then I might be willing to give you a chance, but in this market, no, you'd never have any chance at all even though you're the absolute best candidate for this position.

See kid, your problem is that you're too good. When you're a privileged and powerful imbecile such as myself, nothing intimidates or threatens you more than a poor, talented young man like yourself with exceptional leadership abilities. Every single supervisor here, including myself, is afraid that you will take their job away from them, because none of them are nearly as talented, hard-working, or capable as you are. We'd much rather give this internship as well as any possible future promotions to some bumbling idiot who represents no threat to our authority or egos - a real go-getter who will do or say absolutely anything that we tell him to do or say without question, whatsoever. That's just how prostitution - I mean capitalism - works. We want somebody who we can pin the blame on whenever we fuck up real bad, as we usually do, so that we can continue to collect our seemingly undeserved multi-million dollar bonuses as well as travel to exotic places on our personal jets. Jet fuel isn't cheap you know, especially nowadays.

You see kid, how it works in the real world is that people like me don't get into our positions of power by being nice guys or making the right decisions or hiring the right people or being honest. No sir, we get to our positions of power by lying, cheating, stealing, and killing our way to the top. We get into our positions of power by sabotaging our more capable co-workers by any and all means necessary. It's a dog-eat-dog world kid, and that idealistic disposition of yours will get you nowhere fast. Hell, I used to be an idealist myself when I was your age, but then I had a family and joined the military - which got me over my 'freethinking' real fast. Having to kill dozens of crying children who are running towards you - children who may or may not be bearing grenades - will teach you a thing or two about 'fairness' real quick.

It's a dog-eat-dog world kid, and unless you're extremely rich or willing to play dirty - then you're never gonna make it in this industry. Ever.

Now go away kid, I've got an important meeting with the mayor."